Internetless me

Hey Folks,

I know I've been a total blog-slacker lately.  I'm sorry.  We're without Internet for a bit.  Our laptop died and we have no funds to fix it and then our desktop died.  We were given a desktop to use in the mean time but since we've had our Internet/cable/phone shut off.  And without a laptop to be able to go off and use in wi-fi hot spots we're a little cut off from all our far-off loved ones.  We're having a bit of an issue with some of our income sources.  Social Security withdrew Danny's SSI and we've trying to reconcile our electric bill since we were unable to get Energy Assistance over the winter.  We're doing what we can and we've been extremely blessed to be surrounded by people who care enough to help us manage and squeak by but I think we'll be without Internet access for a while until we can get things more in order.  It's just one more expense that we don't need now that Danny's not in school. 
We're also trying to sell off all of the things that we'll be needing to get rid of in order to move to Colorado next year.  I'll be taking photos of some of my handmade crafts and posting them to sell soon.  I wish I could afford an etsy.com account but it's just too pricey for me at the moment.  So, I'll probably be posting them on craigslist, google, and facebook.  I know it'll be a harder sell but I gotta do what I gotta do. 
We've been cleaning out closets and donating clothes and selling instruments and all we can think of to make space for another person in our little apartment.  It finally seems like the mess is getting smaller.  Cleaning out closets always seems to make things worse for a while before they start to get better but we're making headway slowly but surely. 
I'm planning on making Joey some summer dresses since she's been really into pretty dresses lately and I've been a slacker on making them for her.  I really want to make her a nice pretty dress for her birthday in August.  She seems really excited about that idea.  I also have decided that I need another cute summer maternity/post baby dress and I haven't been able to find anything not super low cut.  I also think I need a cute pair of maternity shorts and I just don't like the ones in the store, nor can we afford to go buying clothes willy-nilly.  I also want to make Joey some pillows for under her bed.  I think I've mentioned that her new bed is a low loft bed so she has a little play area all her own underneath.  So, those are my projects for a while.  I don't know how to get everything done but I shall try.  I plan of breaking out the sewing machine again as soon as we get some of our donation bags out of the house. 
I'll post pictures once everything is in progress and out of chaos.  Right now our apartment is in a total state of chaos until we can get more cleared out.  I just have to keep reminding myself that progress is being made and that it can only get better from here.  
But that's our life for a while.  Not much else going on.  Danny's been hunting for jobs something fierce and I'm really proud of him.  He's also on a mission to lose 45lbs before Norah is born and he's already lost 30lbs.  Yay DANNY!!  It's really been helpful for me too since it keeps me on track as far as my weight gain too.  It may make life a little more crazy to have to be planning meals and making sure that we're portioning food out when we buy it so that we're only making what we should be eating in a sitting at a time.  But it's super helpful that it's a team effort.  I'm so proud of him.  He's really trying so hard to do so many things and I know it's not easy for him but he keeps on going.  And he keeps on sacrificing for his family and I'm really excited for things to come.  Well, that's all for me for now. 

Feeling Better

So, I know my last post was a little *RARR*.  Sorry for that!

Feeling better today.  I've still got a whole lot on my plate to work out and it certainly is not an easy process but I'm working my way through all the steps.  It seems like there's way more work involved than I had thought, but that's ok.  I'm taking things step by step (at least for the time being).  I'm making phone call after phone call and it's oh so fun being on hold and fighting through red tape. 

But our food stamps came in for the month and at least now I have food in the house.  So, on to my weekly meal plan. 

Tuesday
breakfast: bagels & oranges
lunch: sandwiches & tomatoes w/hummus
dinner: Frozen pizza & sauteed squash

Wednesday
breakfast: cereal and bananas
lunch: hot dogs & chili
dinner: pasta salad

Thursday
breakfast: oatmeal & apples
lunch: pb&j and tortilla chips
dinner: Sam's club combo

Friday
breakfast: cereal & bananas
lunch: chicken nuggets & salad
dinner: bean burritos

Saturday
breakfast: pancakes
lunch: kielbasa & sauerkraut
dinner: potato salad

Sunday
breakfast: oatmeal at church
lunch: church snacks & leftovers
dinner: roast chicken & green beans

Monday
breakfast: eggs & oranges
lunch: nutella sandwiches & veggie sticks
dinner: meatloaf & mashed potatoes

Tuesday
breakfast: cereal & bananas
lunch: leftovers
dinner: chicken stir fry

Yay for one more thing off my to-do list.  Now to my next task for the day.  I'm going to try and finish cutting my pieces for Norah's baby blanket today.
Yesterday we had an ultra-sound appointment to get those last vital pics of our little one before she gets here.  She's growing right on schedule.  Everything was perfect!  We even got some awesome profile face shots too.  Looks like this little one will have that trademark 'Palmquist' chin.  Not really shocked on that one.  I've heard that a cleft chin is one of those genetic markers that if either parents have it, it's guaranteed to be passed on.  She also appears to have a nose a bit more like Danny's and his dad's and less like mine or Lisa's (like joey has).  I'm excited to see her little face! 
And when I was talking to my midwife this time around, I finally got a referral to a neurologist about my leg and neck spasms.  It's only taken 4 years and two pregnancies to finally get someone to hear me that it's not just a weird pregnancy symptom.  But YAY!!  The lovely nurses even helped me find a GP that is not only taking new patients but also takes my insurance.  I've been needing one.  I love my midwives group!! They are awesome!

Sunday Reflections

So, I'm enjoying some last few minutes of quiet before Sunday morning really begins.  Next week is Mother's Day and I'm almost in shock to think that next year, I'll have two little girls to celebrate with.  It makes my heart smile.  Joey is just getting so big and I almost can't believe that my pregnancy is winding down again.  And soon our bustling little household of three will be a household of four.  We still don't know how we're going to make all the schedules work, but somehow, it will.  God will provide, that I'm sure of.
The weather's getting warmer and it's so fun to be outside.  I love spring.  The only thing that would make spring better for me would be if I had a yard to plant in.  I was talking to my grandmother the other day, and I was telling her how I ache to garden and plant things.  She said simply, 'we come from farmers, it's in your blood.'  How true that is!  She grew up on a farm, my mom grew up on a farm, I spent my summers growing up on a farm.  There's nothing like it in the world.  No city can compare to it.  No matter where I go, it's with me.  My heart longs to farm, to have my life ebb and flow with the seasons.  I can't escape it, and I can barely contain it.  I feel most myself and most connected to God when I'm doing something with my hands or when I'm out in nature.  It's my home.
It makes me yearn more for our move to Colorado.  I've been peeking at places out there only sporadically since we postponed the move, but it makes me excited to know that since cost of living is so much lower out there and since the lifestyle out there lends itself more to self-sufficiency, I might actually be able to have a yard, or at least a little piece of land to dig in and grow things.  We are just floundering here sometimes.
There is so much pressure in New-England to perform, perform, perform! And with the job market being so flooded, and work being so hard to find (and neither of us having found any in quite some time), it'll be really nice for the change of pace.  Not to mention the change in cost of things.  Generally, the cost of living out in CO is 60% of what it is here.  Such a big cut for us since we're living in a constant state of deficit.
For those of you not up to date on our finances: We have 0 money.  We're living off of Social Security Supplemental Income, Unemployment benefits, my part-time wages, food stamps, coupons and anything we can save after books from Danny's Pell Grant from school.  It's not much and it doesn't sustain us.  We haven't paid our utilities in over a year and we just keep praying that the lights stay on, but we have no means to pay them.  It's all we can do to keep the rent paid and food on the table and diapers of Joey's tush (though hopefully not much longer on that last one).  Now, our SSI got pulled, though I'm hoping that's just a technicality due to our bank changing names.  One of us needs to find work or some means of support SOON.  But God hasn't shown us where that will be coming from yet.  We keep looking but we're not finding.
Any prayers you'd be willing to throw up for us would be greatly appreciated.  We sure could use the extra intercession.  Danny's finishing up finals this month and he's trying to figure out if God even means for him to go back to school in the fall or if he needs to work (should he be able to find any).  It's a rough road we're on.  There's a light not only at the end of it but not too far off by the way of Colorado, but the mean time however is totally unclear to us.
Well, I should go wake up the family and get us moving and ready for church.  I'm excited for what God has in store for us.  I just wish that I could see it a little better.

Finances and provision

So, I've had this thing going on in my head about my situation and how I/we got to where we are.  It may come off a little rant-like but please bear with me.  I swear I have a point and I'm not as upset by it all as I may come across before the end.  

As some of you know, Danny and I are in a bit of a financial pickle.  A lot of circumstances and personal choices have led us to where we are.  I am not writing this to place blame on others because I am aware of the choices that I/we have made to get us to where we are.  But at the same time, I feel much of it could have been avoided if some of the systems that I/we have fought against hadn't been so rigid and uncaring.  

Currently, Danny and I have very little income of our own.  I am only working part-time, as I've not been able to find anything more and Danny is in school full-time thanks to a lovely federal Pell Grant that covers the whole of tuition plus enough left over for books and transportation.  I am also still receiving unemployment benefits and Danny is receiving Social Security Supplemental Income (SSI).  All of us are on State funded health-care, and we receive EBT benefits for food.  The majority of our income comes from tax-payer funded sources.  Now, I am beyond grateful that these things exist and I am more and more understanding of people who need them.  Which, I think has taught me much compassion and tolerance that I have severely been lacking in my life.  I honestly feel like God has been using this experience to not only teach me/us to be better stewards of our money but also to expose us to people outside of our comfort zone and to teach us to love them in a new way.  

That being said, with funds nearing the end and benefits being cut left and right due to budget demands and lack of funds on the other end to finance as many people who are out of work and are left to rely on them, I am wondering if perhaps we'd not be in this predicament if just somewhere along the way, there had been more flexibility back when I was trying to get funding to go to college.  I fought for years to try and gain in-state status when I was in school and was constantly denied even though I haven't lived with my parents since I went off to college at 17 and then got my own apartment at 18.  I also tried getting loans and grants and scholarships to help me pay for college and I was nearly always denied.  I had excellent credit for my age but since I was a single female under 24, they wouldn't let me file FAFSA or anything else alone.  And with my father being a business owner, they considered the equity of his business as income and denied me anything.  Then I moved back to CT, and thought surely I'd be able to afford college here.  I was able to get in-state status just fine, but the cost of living was so much higher that I couldn't ever seem to save up enough to get me started because I still couldn't get grants or loans.  

Finally someone said to me that unless I was 24 years old or married, I'd not be able to apply without my parents being attached.  So, I decided to wait.  Then, I met Danny and we got married when I was 24, had our beautiful daughter when I was 25 and now I'm 28 and expecting our 2nd little one.  I wonder where time went to.  I still have intentions to go back but now, I'm at the point where when I do go back to school, my income is at the point where it'll surely be paid by grants and loans.  But I can't help but feel tax-payers (myself included) would have been saved so much money if only I'd not been denied the grants and the student-loans the first time around.  

It makes me wonder how many other people are in similar situations and wonder if the unemployment rate wouldn't be as high right now if people had the chance at more education.  It makes me wonder if we would perhaps not have the governmental deficit that we have it weren't such a battle to make something better of yourself.  

Then on the other side of it all.  After being on assistance from many sides for so long and then finding some work even though it's only part-time.  My un-employment benefits get slashed, my food stamps benefits get slashed and then Danny's SSI goes down all because I'm trying to get out of the situation that I'm in.  But it's not at all tied together.  I've gained approx. $50/month working over what I was making on unemployment alone, yet because of it. We lose $250 dollars in SSI and $150 dollars in food stamps. I wonder sometimes what they're thinking.  How to they think that gaining $50 = losing $400 and that somehow I'm supposed to just be ok with it.  They've got the system set up so that people are penalized tremendously for trying to get out of their situation.  Which just lends them to being in a bigger whole than where they started.  There needs to be reform and there needs to be awareness and people need to know that there is a chance to start over not just a chance to squeak by for the rest of their lives.  

I don't know what to do other than try and get things to change but how does one implement change from the bottom?  How does one get their story heard?  How does one balance fighting to make it better while still trying to fight to make it through the day?  How can one plan for the future when today seems uncertain itself.  

The Obama tax compromise

So Danny and I have been on the edge of our seats for a while hoping that Senate would come to some kind of agreement for our sakes.  Since I've still not been able to find a full time job yet and we'd really like to be able to follow God's call for us to CO and our hope is to use about half of our tax refund check to pay off some debt and get in the good graces of our utility companies once again.
Now, since I've not been working much really our income is down quite a bit from last year but I intentionally don't declare all of our exemptions that we're allowed because I always feel that I'd rather be owed a refund then have to come up with a payment last minute.  It also forces me to save my thoughts of wants for big purchases which usually cuts my wants down by half or more.
I'm determined to make the most of our money but at the same time, I don't want to just buy things because I'm getting a good deal.
Danny and I are currently trying to purge the house of all unnecessary 'things' in preparation to move 2/3 of the way across the country.  We're going to be giving things away and selling things of value and in hopes that CO can be a fresh start for us.  A leaner lifestyle for us, learning to repurpose things that either don't fit anymore or things that get damaged, learning to buy less, learning to save more when we do buy.
God says that when we are good stewards of what he blesses us with, He will be faithful and provide.  To me that means, that debt begets more debt and frugalness should beget fruitfulness.  This is of course, is just a theory of mine that I've not known firsthand to be true for a long time now.
I was just moved my the President's address today, and I just had to write something.  Since, I've been waiting in hope that the tax cuts would be extended to provide Danny and I the funds that we're hoping for and today I've been put at ease.  And I talked to Danny on Sunday about my fears on Sunday and we decided that even if this wasn't how God was planning on providing for our move, that he'd provide for us somehow, if this was indeed that move he has planned for us.