Figuring things out

So as Danny and I were heading down to the Norwalk Children's Museum today (pics to come soon), I kept seeing all the lovely houses down in that area and I made me long to be studying architecture again.  I seem to keep coming back to it.  It's the only thing that maintains my interest long enough for me to think that it would be a viable career option.  But I still hit the snag of not wanting to work in someone else's firm drawing their designs for 40 years.  But I had the thought today, I could teach it.  I could go back to school, finish my degree and go for my Master's and then teach it in college.
I know that I don't have the patience to teach oodles of little kids, and I can't stand high school kids, I couldn't even stand high school kids when I was in high school.  But I do enjoy breaking things down into manageable chunks.  I think I may have finally figured out what to do with myself.  Now, to just figure out how to make it all happen in Colorado, with two kids, after a cross country move.  We shall see.  But I am more hopeful than I've been in a while about the whole subject.

Windows Open

Isn't it a lovely day today.  The sun is shining, the weather is warm.  There's a nice breeze of fresh after rain air.  I love days like today.  The winter is gone and spring is here.  I love the smell of a freshly rained on earth.  Everything smells so clean and bright.
I had a lovely afternoon outing with the hubby and the little one.  I was on a mission to find maternity jeans since I think I donated my old ones to relieve myself of wearing them to long after Joey was born.  But sadly the maternity store in the mall is no more and I've only been able to find dress pants in Target's maternity section.  I need a pair of jeans, they're so crucial to my wardrobe.  At least this go around, I can stick to mostly yoga pants but I still need just one pair of maternity jeans.  They have to be around here somewhere, I'd really like to be able to try on a pair instead of ordering them online.
But I digress, Danny and Joey and I went to the mall and had a lovely lunch at Panera.  Joey and I got new sunglasses since I recently lost my pair somewhere and I just can't go out on a day like today without sunglasses without coming home with a massive migraine.  I actually had to keep my hoodie over my head and my eyes closed just to make it to the mall.  We also got Danny some new plugs and a cigar for his first official boardwalk-God walk of the season and to celebrate the end of mid-terms and the start of his first spring break.
I'm so proud of my hubby.  He's back in school and loving it.  He'd been out of school for 10 years and he's on the Dean's list at Gateway.  He may be stressed about some of his core classes but he always comes home from his Early Childhood Ed. class feeling renewed in his calling to open a bi-lingual daycare center.  I just know he's going to do so well.  The class even organized a group trip to a local Christian Day care during their spring break, separate from the curriculum, just because.
Danny's all excited to go because he was encouraged to take Joey.  And now Joey's all excited because she's been asking to go to school and now she gets to try one out.  She loves to learn and I'm so hoping that we can get her into the program at Gateway.  It'll be nice for her to have her school where Daddy has his school, especially since we can get the Grant for it for her.  I love her vibrancy and excitedness to learn.  Even when she starts to lose focus when I do school with her, she still hates putting it away and just wants to keep going.

I'm having a sappy mommy/pregnant lady day in case you hadn't noticed.  :-)  Hope everyone else is feeling the love today too!  Happy St. Patrick's Day.

Finances and provision

So, I've had this thing going on in my head about my situation and how I/we got to where we are.  It may come off a little rant-like but please bear with me.  I swear I have a point and I'm not as upset by it all as I may come across before the end.  

As some of you know, Danny and I are in a bit of a financial pickle.  A lot of circumstances and personal choices have led us to where we are.  I am not writing this to place blame on others because I am aware of the choices that I/we have made to get us to where we are.  But at the same time, I feel much of it could have been avoided if some of the systems that I/we have fought against hadn't been so rigid and uncaring.  

Currently, Danny and I have very little income of our own.  I am only working part-time, as I've not been able to find anything more and Danny is in school full-time thanks to a lovely federal Pell Grant that covers the whole of tuition plus enough left over for books and transportation.  I am also still receiving unemployment benefits and Danny is receiving Social Security Supplemental Income (SSI).  All of us are on State funded health-care, and we receive EBT benefits for food.  The majority of our income comes from tax-payer funded sources.  Now, I am beyond grateful that these things exist and I am more and more understanding of people who need them.  Which, I think has taught me much compassion and tolerance that I have severely been lacking in my life.  I honestly feel like God has been using this experience to not only teach me/us to be better stewards of our money but also to expose us to people outside of our comfort zone and to teach us to love them in a new way.  

That being said, with funds nearing the end and benefits being cut left and right due to budget demands and lack of funds on the other end to finance as many people who are out of work and are left to rely on them, I am wondering if perhaps we'd not be in this predicament if just somewhere along the way, there had been more flexibility back when I was trying to get funding to go to college.  I fought for years to try and gain in-state status when I was in school and was constantly denied even though I haven't lived with my parents since I went off to college at 17 and then got my own apartment at 18.  I also tried getting loans and grants and scholarships to help me pay for college and I was nearly always denied.  I had excellent credit for my age but since I was a single female under 24, they wouldn't let me file FAFSA or anything else alone.  And with my father being a business owner, they considered the equity of his business as income and denied me anything.  Then I moved back to CT, and thought surely I'd be able to afford college here.  I was able to get in-state status just fine, but the cost of living was so much higher that I couldn't ever seem to save up enough to get me started because I still couldn't get grants or loans.  

Finally someone said to me that unless I was 24 years old or married, I'd not be able to apply without my parents being attached.  So, I decided to wait.  Then, I met Danny and we got married when I was 24, had our beautiful daughter when I was 25 and now I'm 28 and expecting our 2nd little one.  I wonder where time went to.  I still have intentions to go back but now, I'm at the point where when I do go back to school, my income is at the point where it'll surely be paid by grants and loans.  But I can't help but feel tax-payers (myself included) would have been saved so much money if only I'd not been denied the grants and the student-loans the first time around.  

It makes me wonder how many other people are in similar situations and wonder if the unemployment rate wouldn't be as high right now if people had the chance at more education.  It makes me wonder if we would perhaps not have the governmental deficit that we have it weren't such a battle to make something better of yourself.  

Then on the other side of it all.  After being on assistance from many sides for so long and then finding some work even though it's only part-time.  My un-employment benefits get slashed, my food stamps benefits get slashed and then Danny's SSI goes down all because I'm trying to get out of the situation that I'm in.  But it's not at all tied together.  I've gained approx. $50/month working over what I was making on unemployment alone, yet because of it. We lose $250 dollars in SSI and $150 dollars in food stamps. I wonder sometimes what they're thinking.  How to they think that gaining $50 = losing $400 and that somehow I'm supposed to just be ok with it.  They've got the system set up so that people are penalized tremendously for trying to get out of their situation.  Which just lends them to being in a bigger whole than where they started.  There needs to be reform and there needs to be awareness and people need to know that there is a chance to start over not just a chance to squeak by for the rest of their lives.  

I don't know what to do other than try and get things to change but how does one implement change from the bottom?  How does one get their story heard?  How does one balance fighting to make it better while still trying to fight to make it through the day?  How can one plan for the future when today seems uncertain itself.  

days go on, meal plans change

So, yesterday I did a crap ton of cleaning.  I cleaned out all the toys under the couch, I swept and vacuumed.  I did three loads of laundry, I'd have done more but I ran out of quarters.  I cleaned out the vacuum and learned how to fix it when it gets clogged.  I cleaned Joey's room and cleaned what I could of our room in spite of the mountain of laundry still in need of washing.  Then I hosted Care Group this week.  Which mad me super happy.  I've been wanting to host a care group for a while but it's never quite been the right time.  I'd love to host more regularly but with Danny's class schedule it might not be the best idea to start that just yet.
I love that I finally had the energy to get the house clean.  Clean spaces make me smile.  Second trimester, I think I love you the best!  Danny and I went out to this really awesome little Mexican Diner here in West Haven.  The food was So good.  I've had better Chicken Mole but not for as cheap as it was there.  Even at that, it was only slightly better.  And the homemade sauces were so fresh and yummy.  Danny, of course, was in heaven because the staff spoke Spanish.  Joey was being a bit of a trouble maker and we had to leave quicker than planned.  The food was so yummy.  Danny says that he might even want to have his family birthday dinner there.
I don't know what had Joey so worked up today but she just wouldn't go down for her nap.  She's been in her bed either chatting or yelling for me to come get her since 2 and it's nearly 4:30 now and she just quieted down maybe 10 minutes ago.  I can't let her sleep too late or she won't go to bed on time tonight.  Ugh.  The sucky thing is that when she's yelling for me, I can't even really go into the kitchen or the bathroom without the yelling getting louder.
So, I've had to put off making dinner.  I'm thinking that I'm going to have to switch up my dinner plans because of it.  I was planning on Chicken Tikka Masala but I can't exactly go whipping up the sauce without using the blender and waking my little sleeper.  Grr.  I don't know what to make now.  I have a meal plan for the week but maybe I'll have to tweek it a little.  But what to swap out is the question.  Oh well.  Off to my planning.

Craziness

So this week has been crazy. Joey's been in rare form. Nice one minute and a raving terror the next. We've officially decided to get rid of our kitty, Walfredo. She's a lovely kitty and I'm sure she'd be better behaved if she weren't being tortured during all waking hours. As soon as Joey's asleep, the kitty is all snuggles and cuddles. So if you're in the area and you're looking for a kitty, look no further.

We finally put up and decorated our christmas tree. It's absolute insanity. Joey is fascinated with it which was adorable until she started plugging and unplugging it and shoving it and breaking ornaments. And of course the kitty tried to climb it and keeps stealing the low ornaments (she carries them off and hides 'her' toys under our bed). I'm convinced she thinks she's a dog.

We made an advent wreath this year at with some of the other folks at our church. It was great fun. Joey got to glitter the pine cones and I got to be crafty and had fun making bows. It's so nice to have. And, the base, candle holders, pine cones candles and bows are re-usable so I can use them again next year as long I get more pine garland. It smells so nice too. It works out really nicely for us too since real trees are so expensive every year and the artificial ones are getting more and more realistic every year. We have a nice one but I think in a couple of years we'll be able to get one that really looks real. But with pets and children, I just think that real ones are a little unrealistic sometimes. But it is nice to have at least a little bit of something real and pine around.

I'm currently trying to figure out if canning broccoli would be a total bad idea. I never see broccoli canned in the stores but I have a bunch of broccoli that I bought in bulk and I am running out of ways to utilize it before it goes bad. I think I'm going to try and can it either today or tomorrow. I already froze 1/3 of the 2 lbs that I bought. And I cooked up or used another 1/3 of it but I still have 1/3 left to use up.

I'm still working on getting around to making up Christmas cards. I've found a few different different places with nice cards but I took some pictures that I liked and then they turned out all blurry when I tried to fix them up a bit. Maybe I'll just take some of our pictures from the past year and turn them black and white and go that route. Ugh, so undecided. Maybe I'm just over thinking it.

I did finally figure out something that I might like to go back to school for. I've been working on our church's quarterly newsletter at work and I've really been enjoying doing the layout and editing work. I'm now thinking that maybe I'd like to do either graphic design or english. I'm not sure what I'll decide on, but I probably won't actually decide until I find a school out in CO that I like and such of course. I love both writing and design so it's kinda a tough choice.

Well, I think that's all that's been going on with me for a past few days. So, tootles.